Induction tomorrow

Hello everyone! I will be 39 weeks tomorrow. 39 weeks ago, yes, it seems ages ago, when I peed on a stick and finally got that elusive +. Now, we’re to the finish line.

I’m both sad and glad and excited and scared. In the next day or so (I really hope just a day), our precious little Cara will be here, in the flesh, after all the hard work, tears, tests, meds, etc.

In the next day or so, our lives will never be the same again. I’ve been having some bouts of tears while watching my ever loving husband fold the baby’s clothes after I washed them. He saw how tired I was and just started folding the clothes himself. I watched him fold and the look on his face was just contentment and joy. Then the tears started flowing.

It will never be just the two of us anymore. I know it’s a weird thought since we’ve worked hard for this baby, but I feel that we will have less time for each other. He assured me that it’s going to be fine while I was crying in his arms.

It’s the eve of the day prior to induction. We had dinner before he left for work. We shared our usual laughs and teasing and then it hit me again when he left for work. Tomorrow or the next day, we will be a family of four (yes, we have a dog) and it will never be the same again.

I’m happy and sad, excited and scared. Our next chapter is about to begin. Wish us luck!

P.S.

Baby dust to everyone still waiting for their baby.

37 weeks and 1 day

We are close to the homestretch! It has been a roller coaster ride of emotions. Lots of scares but more joys! In about two weeks, we will meet our little girl.

I will be a full-pledged inay (mom in Filipino)!

Baby dust to everyone! Will update again soon!

Hello there! 👶🏼

It’s been a while since I’ve written anything, just wanted to give a quick update. I’m now 12 weeks and 2 days. We’ve had several check-ups with my ob/gyn, everything looking good so far. Pregnancy symptoms have been awful some days, some days I’m fine. Anything for this precious little one.

My pup has been extra clingy, always on my belly and protecting me from anything and anybody – including my husband! So precious!

To those following my blog who are still waiting – baby dust to you! Bumping my belly with yours (I did this with my intern when she was pregnant – I know, crazy, but will do anything)!

Here is our precious little one at 10w4d…

7 weeks 5 days

We are pregnant! We did another round of IUI in June and it was successful!

On my last post, I said I was tired and would be taking a break from fertility treatments, and we did. We took a break for three months. On the last few weeks of May, I told my husband that I think I was ready to go for another round in June and so I emailed my RE.

My period started June 1st, we did our ultrasound, Letrozole, another ultrasound to confirm a mature follicle was there, hcg shot, and IUI. And then the two week wait…

Unlike our past rounds of treatment, I was less stressed about this one, if it's successful – great; if not – try again. Towards the end of the two-week-wait, my husband and I went on a little vacation for four days and just enjoyed Mother Nature. On the last day of our trip (day 13 of the wait), I noticed some red/pink spots when I wiped, so I told my husband, uh oh, period is starting. He just said, just think positive.

When we arrived home, I bought two boxes of HPTs (yes, I'm OCD like that), since I'm supposed to test the following day. I didn't think too much of it, just did the usual stuff the rest of the day. When my husband left for work that night, I felt the urge to pee on a stick, even though I knew that it might be too early. I told myself, if it's negative, you're not supposed to test until tomorrow anyway. Lol.

So, peed on a stick, set it down on the floor. And then voila! It was positive! BFP! I never thought I'd say that but yes! Took a picture and immediately sent it to my husband. I told him that if it's still positive tomorrow, I'll inform our RE and then go to the lab.

Morning came… still positive!!! We are pregnant! Again! We have our rainbow baby! (Okay technically not a baby yet, but whatever). We are so happy and blessed!

Tired 😞

We are taking a break. Our last IUI failed again, even though there were two mature follicles prior to trigger. 

I was initially optimistic because I POAS 10 dpt, thinking the hcg would have been out of my system by then. It was positive. I didn’t want to believe it, even though my husband said there’s a possibility. I POAS two days after and the line was lighter. Also, I didn’t feel pregnant. I know the feeling because we were pregnant last November. 

I told my husband that I’m getting tired of the pills, going in for ultrasounds (our RE clinic is about 30 mins away with light traffic), the shot, timing intercourse, etc etc. He asked me what I wanted to do. I said I don’t know. He then told me that whether or not we have a baby, he’s fine and that he’s already complete. A baby will just be an added blessing. I cried. He comforted me.

So, we’re taking a break. I’m tired.

Why? How? Why?

I try not to read the news, but it’s really hard. Apart from the political turmoil here in the US, there has been an influx of children being killed – at times by their own mothers/parents.

It’s so hard to fathom how a mother can do such a thing. We have a puppy and she’s being treated like our own child. We even spoon feed her when she’s hormonal and wouldn’t eat anything. 

To read these kinds of horrifying news is truly heartbreaking for someone who’s been TTC. We’ve been trying for almost two years now (first year – on our own; second – IUI and meds). We want a child and have been spending time, money, energy, and tears just to have one. Yet, those who are fortunate to have one, I can’t even begin…

One mother locked the doors and windows to their trailer before setting it ablaze. Another poisoned her kids. Yet another did something horrible that I don’t even want to remember.

Why? How? Why? I really want a child. I want a child. I would give my all and take care of my child if we could have one. Those unwanted angels, I want them. 

If I may have just one, please. Please. Please. Please.

Here we go again…

So my period started today (sigh). I went in for another baseline ultrasound. My RE (bless her ❤) said every thing looks good and said to start the Letrozole this Friday. I will return next Thursday for another ultrasound to see if 1- any follicles; 2- any follicles mature; 3- determine when to do IUI.

I’m usually a cheerful person. I’d like to think I still am, but it’s getting harder and harder to keep the positive thinking going when every month, my dreaded Aunt Flo visits.

My dear husband keeps my spirits up. He says it will happen. I wish I can still say that with the same gusto he does.

Cycle 3, here we go. Baby dust please. Baby dust. 

Will it ever happen?

We were pregnant in November and then baby was gone. Since then, we’ve done two more rounds of treatments. We’re waiting to see if this second round is a success, but I’m not feeling anything, negative epts as well, so I’m doubtful.

My husband said that we’ve just started and I should be positive for the positive to come. Believe me, I try.

I also feel envious that a lot of people are getting pregnant. Why not me?

Will it ever happen? 

Just for a day…

My dear husband and I have been trying to conceive. Because I’m 36, we were advised to seek fertility help. We started seeing a Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE) in July and have been following advice on this baby journey since. I’ve also been going to the acupuncturist to help with this process.

A few days before our IUI, I had one mature follice (18) and two medium ones (15 and 14). We did the IUI on October 20th. And then the two week wait began.

Last week, I started feeling odd, vivid dreams, hot flashes, bad cold. I was told to do a beta HCG on Nov 1, but I didn’t. I continued to wait. HPTs were negative. Then, finally went in on Nov 3.

Fertility nurse called on Nov 4 – we were pregnant! Tears! Kisses!

And then the baby was gone. I know it wasn’t a baby yet, but for me, it was. Chemical pregnancy is what the doctor said.

Tears… I was a mom for a day.

My HSG kind of day

After doing all the bloodwork, the next step that my ob-gyn recommended is to have a hysterosalpingogram (HSG) done. The HSG is a procedure where a water soluble contrast dye is injected to the uterus, which then, hopefully spills out of the fallopian tubes, while an xray is done. The HSG, as explained to us, would look if the uterus is ‘normal’ and free of growths and if the tubes are open. 

So, I went in and had a pregnancy test done (required 2-3 days prior to the HSG) – of course, even if I already knew it was negative, still brought a teeny tiny pinch in my heart that our baby is yet to be conceived.

The HSG was scheduled for today. But I’ve been on the edge since Saturday. My husband asked me if I want to postpone it. I said my eggs are shriveling up as we speak so no. more. delaying. No. More.

My ob-gyn gave me Valium to take prior to the procedure, this is an option anyone undergoing HSG may have to calm down the nerves. I guess she saw that I needed it from the get go. Haha. I also had my acupuncturist put it ‘tacks’ in both my ears. I could press on them to bring some sense of calm.

My husband and I came in early for the procedure. I took the meds (antibiotics, ibuprofen, and Valium) right after I signed the consent form. I was called in about 30 mins later, tacks and Valium still not completely calming me down. What made matters worse, my husband was not allowed to go with me. Ding! Ding! Ding! Stressssss!

The MD and nurse were very helpful and professional in explaining everything. I said I’ve been researching and watching YouTube videos, which I think now only made my fears a whole lot worse.

The nurse said that she’ll be there if I need someone to hold my hand and apologized again that my husband couldn’t be inside the room with us (protocol). 

The doctor was very thorough in explaining everything, even as he was doing the procedure, he explained it to me step by step *warning* -might be TMI- from the moment he put in the speculum until he took everything out.

So here’s the step by step procedure as I recall it (with my Valium laced brain, mind you):

• consent form needs to be signed
• take meds (antibiotics and pain reliever and if you’re like me, definitely the Valium)
• wait. wait. wait.
• undress from waist down
• doctor and nurse explain the procedure, answer any questions, make you feel safe and comfortable (side note: Doc asked me if were ready, I said ‘no’ – he did wait a few more minutes)
• you lie on your back like you do when you’re having a pap smear test taken 
• doctor explained what he was doing:

1. insert speculum to open you up and clean the cervix (he swabbed it three times)
2. insert catheter
3. inflate a small balloon to make sure cath is in place
4. dye is injected 
5. you’ll be asked to shift to left and right to make sure dye flows
6. pictures/xray taken
7. cath and speculum taken out

• doctor then explained his preliminary findings
• shake hands (hehe)

All in all, the whole procedure took about 10-15 minutes tops. The waiting was the worse part, I’m telling you. I felt some cramping (like a bad menstrual cramp) while the dye was being injected. I’m still feeling some cramping 12 hrs later, but nothing bad. 

So there, HSG done. On to the next step.

P.S. My HSG results were 👍🏽.